Battle with Body Confidence.

I would like to be as ‘fat’ as I thought I was when I was 17

I was a very fit and active teenager. I played hockey and basketball, I went swimming and walked for miles, completing cross country marathon walks and summiting mountains. I was young, fit, healthy and had a cracking body to go with it. My body was slender but strong and I wasn’t afraid to wear whatever I wanted.

At the age of 21 I had left university and got my first office job. The job was working within a customer service department for a telecoms company. After my first year of office work, even though I still went to the gym twice a week I had gained a dress size and for the first time ever I felt genuinely unhappy with my body. I have now been working in offices for 5 years and my weight has not dropped back down to what it was before I got my first office job except for one brief spell.

A few years later at 23 I was going through a management training program at work. I absolutely loved being a ‘manager in training’, the challenge of it, the chance to prove myself, helping the members of my team improve through coaching sessions with them, working out the sales figures for the managers meeting and the feeling of success after a hard days work.

Although I loved the management training program, my body did not! Since leaving home at the age of 21 the only times I have ever weighed myself was at the doctors. I do not own a set of scales. Despite this I knew when I had lost a lot of weight none of my clothes fit me – I was going to work with trousers practically hanging off of my hips, that used to fit a little too snuggly round my waist.

I remember the day all too well when I saw a bald patch

I phoned my mum straight away in a real panic because when putting my hair in to a bun I noticed a large bald patch above my ear. My mum kept asking me if I was sure and telling me I was most likely over reacting; that is until I went to visit and showed her the bald patch. My mum knew about the stress I had been experiencing due to work so told me not to worry. However I couldn’t stop myself from worrying about it, a bald patch is an awful thing for any woman! After asking a lot of questions about my work, my lifestyle, my diet and my mood, the GP advised me that I had stress related alopecia. He advised that I try to avoid stress and develop coping strategies to help me cope with stressful situations. Although there is no simple ‘cure’ for alopecia it was good to know it wasn’t something more serious causing my hair to fall out.

Luckily for my health, but unfortunately for my career development the sales department closed and I got a new job within the company working in customer service. Slowly the weight came back on and my hair started to grow back.

The thing that hurt me the most out of the whole experience was how many people complimented me on how good I looked. I had lost two dresses sizes and some hair due to stress yet colleagues and acquaintances were coming up to me and saying that I was looking really good and complimenting me on how quickly I had lost the weight.

Being complimented when I felt unwell was really quite horrible, and potentially dangerous for someone. It wouldn’t take much for someone to take those compliments as a good thing and try to stay that weight or even try loosing more weight

Think Before You Compliment

This is why I campaign for society to stop complimenting women on their appearance. From birth we compliment a female on her appearance, from calling a baby “pretty little lady” to complimenting a woman’s curvy figure, beautiful hair or full lips. We should move away from complimenting appearance. The only way for body confidence to be a reality for all is if we put body compliments in the history books so that the worth of a woman is never associated with her appearance again. 

Until this time comes, please think before you compliment. Maybe that girl who has lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time didn’t want to loose the weight. Maybe she is unwell, depressed or fighting big difficulties in her life and the stress/depression/illness has made her loose weight. Possibly you complimenting her on her weight is the last thing she wants.

Like wise, maybe the lady at work who is larger than the average, doesn’t need your diet tips. Perhaps she is at her happiest at her size, and your well meaning advice on how she can loose weight is nothing but hurtful. Perhaps she has suffered a loss in her family, or perhaps she has a disabled child and food is one of her pleasures in life. Consider the possibility that the lady who is carrying that extra weight used to be super active but an injury has left her unable to continue her active passions, and your ‘compliments’ on her curvy figure make her cry at night because it reminds her of the life the injury stole from her.

Don’t get me wrong, we all compliment our friends and it is socially ingrained in each of us to want compliment others to make them happy and to be nice. I like to receive compliments from my friends and family. Compliments aren’t the enemy, but thoughtless compliments may be.

For one day try not to compliment anyone’s appearance, and instead compliment them on something that is deeper than their skin. You never know, you could not only make their day but put a smile on their face for the whole week or longer!